I’m just a girl but I’m on fire!
It has been a while since I’ve posted on my blog but things have been amazingly
well. One of the things that I am most proud about is my progress on my mental
health journey and my physical health journey. For years, I didn’t realize that
they both went hand in hand and truth be told, I have been struggling for almost
27 years with weight issues and mental health issues. One of the reasons that I
kept it in for so long was because I didn’t feel like I had a safe space to
share with anyone. I’ve been to counseling three separate occasions to deal
with some of my issues and each time, I have learned something about myself.
One of the reasons that I used to drop everything to be there for everybody, be that shoulder to lean on, or that special ear to listen was because I never wanted anyone to feel like I’ve felt for years. I’ve always been the “happy”, smart, and funny one. I took on the role of being there for everyone and pouring into them when I had an empty cup myself. I remember hearing Ms. Iyanla Vanzant tell Oprah, “My cup is supposed to runneth over and that is the portion that goes to others because what’s in the cup is for me. I can’t pour from an empty cup.”
Part of the reason that I did it was because I was used to “shucking and jiving” for people’s approval and I wasted so many years doing that. I can’t blame anyone but myself because I was the one that chose to invest more into others than myself and my mental and physical health took a turn for the worse. As I have written in my previous blogs, my life drastically changed when my older brother died. I didn’t know how to deal with the grief so I turned to food and the rest continues from there.
At my highest weight, I was 351 pounds. I didn’t feel good and I didn’t look my best either. I appreciate the people who loved me for who I was and made me feel like a real person versus talking about how much weight that I have gained. I looked in the mirror one day and asked myself, “Do you want to live?” I didn’t even answer myself and I began to do the work. Lord, have I been working…lol and some days I don’t feel like going but I take the time to look in the mirror, speak my affirmations, and I go on anyhow.
I invested in a personal trainer and I go to it. I am currently 293 pounds…a difference of 58 pounds and I am so proud of myself as I haven’t been under 300 pounds in over six years. I do it for me first, I do it because I want to someday be a mother that can keep up with her children, and I want to be the best version of Brittany that I can.
Also, during the physical transformation, I have been leveling up on my mental transformation as well and I set firm boundaries and only engage in healthy conversations that are going to be uplifting. I don’t have the time (or desire) to sit around and talk about people because we are all in this world trying to survive but I also refuse to engage in toxic situations with toxic people. I feel an elevation and it’s not like I feel like I am better than anyone, but I have just been the caterpillar that took some time building my cocoon and separated myself to get myself right. I really saw who was there for me when I did that. I appreciate the ones that took the time to do the weekly check-ups (my Tuskegee girls) and the ones that took the time to be there for me so that I could cry and vent to get back on track (you know who you are).
I’m back and God has shown me visions of what I will be doing in the future and it’s up to me to stay on track, give Him the glory, and rise to the occasion of walking in my divine right as a child of the King. I thank Him for restoration in every realm of my life.
Until next time….